I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
