This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
