I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
