I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we're chasing vodka with high fives
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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