U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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