This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize