He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All the doctor said was why
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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