dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize