I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
