I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
