Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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