Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
