He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
