About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
