I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Green mimosas i think yes
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
