Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize