I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize