If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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