You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
