No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
