Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Who died my cat blue again?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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