What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
