Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
