Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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