You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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