so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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