its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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