: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
