i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
