Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
