i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
