You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
