There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
