i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
