just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
