I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you never un-have a 4some
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
