I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
