Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
