the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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