I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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