Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
