I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize