and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
