Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
