I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize