your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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