Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
