Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
