are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
