So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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