So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
