Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
