Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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