i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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