he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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