well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
