I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize