so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
