Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
