Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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