u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
