i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
