Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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