so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
