You're my little dorito
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
