He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So vagazzling was a success
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
