NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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