At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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