i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
