Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
