I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
