just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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