Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Randomize
