im holly from the hills drunk
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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