so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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