Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
