that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
