Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
