So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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