they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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