Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
