Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
