My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
