We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She is in my trunk
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
