no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
