Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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