her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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