Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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