If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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