I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
