I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize