I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
