Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
