I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize