Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
