she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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