Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
