someone threw a dead crab at me
Me. At least after what I've been through.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Success! We fucked roommates!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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