I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
