this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
