five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
