Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize