I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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