I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Oh god it's open bar.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
