i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
