yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
