I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
