the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
