yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize