She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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