All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
