I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
