We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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